So, what’s the big deal? The BFD is that this fall, I’m relocating. Sure, that should be NBD for a kid like me, who went to three schools in first grade, lived in six cities before finishing high school and managed to inhabit seven apartments before hitting my six-year Chicago anniversary. Moving is my thaaaaang! Yes. I DOES this. Right? Not quite. This time’s different. Wait for it... I’m... moving... to... Madrid! As in Spain! As in Europe! As in damn near not even in this hemisphere! I’ll be a language and culture assistant at an elementary school during the 13/14 term, or as the Spaniards call them (us/me!), an auxiliar de conversación - an English-speaking teacher assistant. I'll also be a sangria-sippin', part-time workin', siesta-takin', world-travelin' temporary expat. As in like, "Hmm, I think I'll go to Paris for the weekend!" I mean, who says that?! Me! Yes! I will! I'm going to say that!
Through all my current excitement about my new lifestyle, it's been a challenging road of introspection, sacrifice, worry and amateur tea leaf reading to get to this point. Every time a friend asks if I'm excited, my answer seems to be a begrudging, unconvincing "yeeah..." I realized recently that despite the huge life change coming up, I haven’t really cried or even had a decent hand-wringing session. Embracing a new adventure means loosening my grip on my current one...and the new one doesn't quite feel like it belongs to me yet. Yes, I got all misty-eyed and tight-throated when my brother sent me a text saying he was happy for me, but would miss me. I still haven't really sat down for a good cry. But you know what I have done? Sleep! Yes...lovely late mornings with my pillow...early evenings cuddled up...sleeping. so. much. Too damn much - as if my to-do list doesn’t get longer the more I check things off of it. My belief is that this is my new grown-woman procrastination tactic. Can’t be packing boxes and donating clothes when I’m all deep into my REM cycle! As I begin to discard/sell/store belongings, I'm forced to consider all the things I'm giving up by living abroad, and it's tempering my fixation on what I'm gaining. It's a weird spot to be in, to say the least.
I’m starting to wonder what it will take to wake me up - to bring me to that point of recognizing that this surreality is actually reality. Maybe it’s because, of all the things I’ve done, I haven’t said “goodbye” yet. In every other relocation in my life (all 21 of them, by my count), the constant that I took (literally, physically) to each new location was my loved ones. Of course, my schedule of visitors is already poppin’ and my Skype account will be blowing up, but this time I’m really on my own - and far from home. I’m excited and freaked out about this adventure all at the same time, and for whatever reason...overwhelmingly sleepy! ;) So here we go...let's make it count!
