Major Weeper

Ohhhh it's happening. I'm starting to fully recognize how fast Spain is careening toward me.

Jude Law in The Holiday

Too often, everyday activities, dinners with friends and weekend ventures now feel like "the last time." The perceived finality is constant and jarring. Missed opportunities will be missed for a no less than a year. I'm packing my apartment to move out at the end of the month, but being the expert procrastinator that I am, it doesn't really look like it. As my calendar for the next month starts to fill, an apartment full of stuff is my last stronghold, but my grip on framed pictures, shelves of books and decorative pieces is getting looser each day.

I know that what set this realization in motion: this weekend I'll meet up with my sisters to celebrate T-Dawg's birthday and hand off some belongings. I'll get to see my parents, too - and this will be my final visit with them before I'm off to Madrid. And I'm still working on a way to visit my brother another time in the next month, too. One last time. A final meal, a final hug...geez, the knot in my throat is swelling to softball size.

Gut check: Nothing is "the last time." I'm moving to Madrid, not Mars. Last year my student lifestyle (read: budget) didn't allow me to go home as much as I usually would, like at Easter and Thanksgiving, so I went at least a six-month stretch without seeing Mom & Dad. I've gone months without seeing family and years without seeing friends...So what's the big difference if they can make it to Madrid by spring? Not to mention the Christmas trip I'm planning with my sister and the many friends who are already bidding for their preferred vacation dates. That's all very comforting... so why isn't it?

The bottom line is that different means unpredictable. I cherish my relationships and won't try to convince myself that I shouldn't be sad about living so far away from my loved ones. So, I'm committed to spending the next month reminding myself of just how predictably loving my family is, inspiring my girlfriends are, and supportive my friends are. Notice I said "next," not "last." Ain't nobody got time for that. We're in this together! I'm accepting that the tears will flow -- not in mourning of our missed moments of (just physical) togetherness, but rather in celebration of the growth we'll experience through the exciting challenges that face us in the coming year.